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Daddy and Carl are up in the attic getting ready to cut a hole in the roof for a skylight. It's Time To Kill The Turtle Debbie: We have to kill the turtle. Must be big, judging from the grimace on your face. Billy Elliot cornholing the father of my children. But then I'd miss the part where you take it up the ass from a teenage boy. Linda: You don't see the camera? It's like it moved just a little bit. Linda: Does anything look different to you? Kash: No. Who are you? Kermit: I'm his friend Kermit. Kermit: Is Frank here? Fiona: Only when there's a check coming.
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And my ancestors and I take full credit for crucifying that Christ putz. You can't bottom-line some rip-off from the get-go. Frank: The hell? You're supposed to negotiate! The phrase "Jew me down" only works if you take the fair price I start with and you slowly Jew me down to an unacceptable number. You know what that makes tomorrow, Frank? Put-your-head-in-the-trash-compactor day.Ĭashier: $35. Roy: Today is put-your-head-in-the-toilet day. Killer Carl Frank Gallagher: Loving Husband, Devoted Father Frank: This is no way to treat a veteran! Goon: If you didn't run away, we'd have flushed first. Tourette's coupled with bipolar disorder and a drinking problem.
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We're all gonna die.įiona: Is he retarded? Veronica: I wish.
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Which is why I don't believe in intelligent design. No underwear that's been devised to hold 'em effectively in place. Tucked between two legs, wedged right near your asshole. Should only be two testicles invited to this party.įrank: Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you. I say leave those three bad boys down there alone. Carl: It can be both if you want.ĭoctor: Have you ever done a testicular self-examination? Frank: Oh, God, no. Veronica: What's that smell? It's either vomit or fancy cheese. It was like that David Hasselhoff video, eating a cheeseburger. Three Boys Fiona: Wasn't he drunk when he proposed? Veronica: Oh, yeah. I can't walk in clogs, and let's face it, I'm too short. Can you be a doctor for me? Debbie: Can I be a nurse? Steve: That's my girl.ĭebbie: I'm gonna blush and then they'll know. Steve: So, pretend you're being a doctor today and tell a doctor's kind of lie. Like, a doctor wouldn't tell a sick patient, "Too bad, you're gonna die." He would say, "We're doing everything we can." Wouldn't he? Debbie: Yeah. Casey Casden Steve: Do you know why doctors, lawyers and nurses are great liars? Debbie: No. Just because you haven't told anybody that she is dead, doesn't make her not dead. Fiona: Yes, she is technically dead, Dad. Was there even a will? Frank: You don't need a will, if she's not technically dead. As kids, we were told to keep our hugs briefįiona: Dad, you've been cashing her checks. Frank: She was born with a large clitoris. Steve: And what exactly does "hooked up" mean? Kev: Last time I checked, penis goes into vagina.įiona: This is Aunt Ginger? Frank: In the flesh. Kev: Yeah, use a blowtorch like a normal kid. Kev: No! Yo, Destructo, that's my toaster! Carl: Trying to make Melted Man. I don't need any more notes from your teacher. The bat is for killing, not for taking to school. Frank The Plank Aunt Ginger Fiona: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ian: Oh, yeah? He ain't seen nothing yet. Season 1 Pilot Lip: What do you think of Ian? Karen: He's a nice piece of shit! Lip: Did you pitch a tent? Karen: What? Lip: Did you make him hard? Karen: Ever try to play pool with a rope? Well yea!įiona: You just look more like mom than any of the rest of us. 5.11 Love Songs (In the Key of Gallagher).4.3 A Jailbird, Invalid, Martyr, Cutter, Retard, and Parasitic Twin.2.3 I'll Light a Candle For You Every Day.1.7 Frank Gallagher: Loving Husband, Devoted Father.